Things happens fr a reason . Sometimes its jst out of our own league but i guess i went too far this time . Twice should be more thn enough and i guess it was already the last straw fr you . I understand therefore i think no explanation will make any difference . Even so , i'll explain it here so at least you knw why i did wht i did . Im typing here in public to tell you how sorry i am , to tell everyone who's coming here to read my post what i have done to you and to clear the air . I Hurt You badly i admit . I created tht tumblr was jst so i could express how i feel deep deep inside . I have been bottling up the feelings for so long and people say its not good bottling up the feeling therefore i came up with the idea to start a private tumblr . I didnt knw things could get ths bad . I guess i didnt think of the consequences beforehand . I created tht tumblr for only one purpose . To let out wht i feel inside . at least tht tumblr allows me to let out how i feel , what's happening around me etc . I didnt knw tht it can hurt someone so badly . So let me begin with the explanation . I couldnt get over him back thn . Its very hard . You might say ask you how you got over it and tht you had a relationship tht lasted fr 2 yrs . Different people have different encounter . Its jst very hard . You have to understand ths . I tried ! If you dont believe , you can ask farit himself . i did tried to let him go . But no ! The feeling came back . So wht was i suppose to do ? i cant control it can i ? I did try to let go but its very hard . You wont really knw how hard it is . Try being in my shoes . i understand youre hurt but im hurt as well . i was in a dilemma back thn and i tried to think of smth to get away frm all ths but it didnt work . I was trying to find a solution to all ths but there wasnt any . Looking at the situation now , i dont think anyth can help . Not even ths explanation , no one , what more an apology ? Im not asking you to talk to me or forgive me after reading ths , i jst wanted to let you knw . Since you wanted my explanation , here it is . Im not being a coward and post it over at my private blog so only you can read it , instead im typing it here so tht everyone can see tht i made a huge mistake . Yes i did and im not ashamed to admit to it . Not tht im proud of it but i guess i have to admit to my mistake . and i understand you have made the decision to leave me . its not easy fr me because i told you if it was tht easy , i wouldnt be crying because of tht but .. i dont knw . so here's the explanation . though its hard to put everyth into words , i tried . but there's more but i dont think i'll type it here . I jst want to say sorry i hurt you Hilmie . It wasnt intentional but it wasnt necessary either . Im trying my best to mend ths thing back . This is jst another phase where i have to go through . Like what Zubaidah said , " There isnt any explanation . You dont have to find any because there isnt at all . What more , it involves our own feelings . We cant run but we can fight them away . you should knw your feelings better than anyone . " Maybe wht your friend said was true . Jst maybe im not the right one for you . Oh yes so im taking ths opportunity to thank Zubaidah as well as Ershad Biggie fr comforting me . Thanks alot ! (: Currently in school for meeting . Woke up with a bad headache as well as swollen eyes . Feels like i got punched last night . hah . alright im done .

Guess ths is enough . the situation is already so bad , i dont want to make it worse . Again im sorry Hilmie . ): takecare readers .

; ayeeen ♥